The weekend and today got me thinking about gestures towards and for us whilst I was in hospital, when I came home after Rory died and in the months that followed. The first gesture was a hug from one of the midwives after we were told Rory had stopped growing and things didn’t look good, I was on my own and I just needed a hug, then there was the midwife who moved me to a side room and away from the ladies who were likely to take their babies home – those compassionate gestures made things easier, if only for a few minutes. 

When we came home family and friends sent cards and flowers, gestures of kindness and condolence which we needed in bundles.  A lot of friends and even people I didn’t know sent messages via text and Facebook which helped so much.  I still get random texts and messages from people to see how I am which I really appreciate. The gesture of reaching out means so much, more than they will ever know. My friends have been brilliant and don’t judge even when I tell them how I’m really feeling.

My mum who did Rory’s cremation flowers and didn’t push me to help even though I said I would. My family have been amazing and I am forever grateful for their continued gestures of love.

The money we raised for 4Louis and Sands spurred us on and we saw every donation as a gesture of support and recognition of Rory’s impact on the world, on our world in particular.

My boss and colleagues have been brilliant at shielding me from the new babies at work, the small gesture of taking my email address off baby announcement messages, warning me when people were coming in and giving me a hug have helped me be out my face on and front it out. The colleagues who have commented on Rory’s picture and told me he was beautiful, I appreciate each and every one of them. The work friend who gave me a cool gift in the week, just because she wanted to – she probably doesn’t realise but I was so touched.

The things which got me thinking about gestures happened at the weekend: The tree we planted on Saturday was our own gesture for Rory, a living tribute for our boy (and we have a slightly tea stained certificate to prove it!).  The second event of the weekend was the prospect of a family photo, the thought of which filled me with ambivalence as we are not a complete family, one of us is in heaven. So, rather than a chubby 4 month old in the pictures there is a small teddy, the brother of which went into Rory’s coffin. The teddy, under Toby’s direction, was a bit of a mischief maker and didn’t always keep still (a bit like a 4 month old baby); the whimsical part of me likes to think that Rory was with us in some way.

The final gesture was today, a very kind friend asked us out on a play date which was lots of fun and was had a good old chitchat over hot chocolate – just what’s needed on a cold windy day as the year from hell draws to a close.

So to conclude, gestures are good, come in all shapes and forms, many cost nothing, and I appreciate each and every single one.


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