As I look back over the past year there has been so much sadness, heartbreak, stress and panic; but there has also been joy, laughter and fun. The start of 2015 brought excitement, expectation and contentment and I end the year feeling lost, misunderstood, and wondering what our lives would have been like had Rory been born as expected in the summer.
2015 has been an arse of a year and I am counting down the hours until it is over. It is not just Matt, Toby and I who have suffered this year, my friends have faced illness and sadness and our families have had to pick up the pieces after losing Rory. Sadly there are also other families facing what we have, trying to get on although the unimaginable has happened.
Whilst I can’t wait for 2015 to be over I’m also desperately aware that the dawn of a new year takes me further from Rory and in 2016 we will face his first birthday/anniversary, one of the last and quite possibly the scariest of milestones to overcome.
As I reflect and try to take the positives out of 2015, I realised that this year has taught me a number of things, 23 to be exact – one for each of Rory’s weeks of life from dot on a microscope plate to silent baby who died in my arms.
1. Never take life for granted.
2. Don’t rely on things going to plan, sometimes they don’t.
3. Love and support can come from unexpected places and people, embrace it.
4. People can hurt you in ways you never expected.
5. Small acts of kindness can make a massive difference.
6. Trust your instincts.
7. Follow your heart.
8. Camping is fun!
9. Do things in your own time.
10. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as you expect them to be.
11. If someone offers help, take it.
12. Try new things – who’d have thought I could sew?
13. Savour the small things.
14. Appreciate what you have.
15. It isn’t your fault.
16. Actions have consequences.
17. Surround yourself only with people who love and support you.
18. Make the most of family time, it is precious.
19. Cider is the flavour of summer.
20. It is ok to cry, it is ok to cry a lot.
21. Be brave, even when you don’t think you can do it.
22. Love with all your heart and soul.
23. A person so small and fragile can make a massive positive impact.
I love you so much Rory, let’s see what 2016 brings.