Christmas Preparations

I’m sat here feeling fairly organised, just Toby’s presents to wrap and Boxing Day food to buy along with a bit of tidying and I’m done. The Christmas cards were posted last week and decorations put up at the start of December – all far too organised for me.

All this yet I am extremely underwhelmed. The lights are sparkling on the Christmas tree and nearly all the doors on Toby’s advent calendar are open so I know I should be excited about spending time with family and seeing Toby’s happy face on Christmas morning but I just feel numb.

I almost wish I felt really sad but I don’t feel any sadder than usual. I realised this evening that I’m just going through the motions, sharing pleasantries and well wishes is all well and good but I’m on autopilot so it’s all a bit meaningless at the moment.

I’m not sure how I expected to feel but it certainly wasn’t like this.

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