I saw an article on the BBC News app this morning which talked about improvements needed for the care of parents who had lost babies (link below). It made me think about the care we received.Matt and I were the lucky ones it seems. Our local maternity hospital have two bereavement midwives who supported us in hospital and at home afterwards.
The care provided by the regular midwives at the hospital was brilliant too, everyone was sensitive, kind and compassionate and nothing was too much trouble. I probably had better support and care after Rory than I did after I gave birth to Toby.
The maternity hospital has a dedicated quiet room and ensuite bedroom in a quiet area of the ward for parents who have a baby about to die or already gone. The room it set up like a little b&b and partners can stay if they wish. The room is a bit tired, my mum has asked that the money she has raised be put to that room to make it more cosy and welcoming.
When I came home I was able to access counselling provided by a local charity quickly and easily (and for free), my GP has been very supportive and kind, particularly regarding my anxiety and depression. Finally, the local SANDS group are a bunch of awesome ladies and gents who remind me that I’m normal and not alone. The Facebook group is my safe place to rant, find solace, and support others. I’ve been to one group meeting too and it was so good to sit in a room and feel like you belong.
The only bit of my care which was poor was from the community midwife team who visited to carry out postnatal checks. The two ladies I saw obviously didn’t want to be visiting the mother with the dead baby and their discomfort and awkwardness was clear. I felt sorry for them but also angry as they were a professional person there to help me. It made me feel so awful that we cancelled the final visit.
I am so grateful to live in an area where there is so much support and hope that gaps around the country can be filled.