Spring

Today is the first day of March, the month when Spring starts. All around me I can see blossom on the trees and flowers trying to push up from the cold hard soil. All this life springing up in the month my baby died.

Last year I was angry at Spring, how could the trees still be blossoming and how could the dadfodils still be popping up when Rory had died. It felt like the whole world was mocking me with its life and vitality when my life had come to a stop. 

This year I’m not angry at Spring but I’m sad. This season used to be my favourite, I loved that spark of life coming out after the barren winter. Driving to work on a crisp bright morning looking at the lovely blossom on the trees was a favourite part of the season. This year I can see the blossom but it doesn’t fill me with joy; instead it just reminds me that Rory’s anniversary is approaching.

I hope as the years pass I can learn to love Spring again, I miss the joy that this season used to bring me.

Now March has arrived I’m at a loss to know how to mark Rory’anniversary which is fast approaching, it is most definitely not his birthday on 13th March as he was never meant to be born in March – friends please take note of that! Part of me wants to hide away in bed and part of me wants to shout his name from the rooftops so that people don’t forget him. Family have started asking what we are doing and I don’t have an answer which I feel bad about as I’m usually the one with the ideas. 

I’m sure we’ll do something fitting, I just wish I knew what it was!

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3 thoughts on “Spring

  1. I never know whether to say anniversary or birthday either. It’s hard to distinguish. With our first loss, we would have been due in April but he came in October. Our due date for Caius is this Sunday, Mother’s Day. But yet I feel unattached to it as he would never have been born that day anyway.
    Sending strength for these coming weeks. Do what feels right for you. Spring is bittersweet for me too xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wishing you a peaceful Mother’s Day. Last year Mother’s Day was the day after Rory died. Not looking forward to it this year at all 😦 If Rory had a chance of survival I could call it his birthday but he was never going to make it. X

      Liked by 1 person

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