Today is the first day of March, the month when Spring starts. All around me I can see blossom on the trees and flowers trying to push up from the cold hard soil. All this life springing up in the month my baby died.
Last year I was angry at Spring, how could the trees still be blossoming and how could the dadfodils still be popping up when Rory had died. It felt like the whole world was mocking me with its life and vitality when my life had come to a stop.
This year I’m not angry at Spring but I’m sad. This season used to be my favourite, I loved that spark of life coming out after the barren winter. Driving to work on a crisp bright morning looking at the lovely blossom on the trees was a favourite part of the season. This year I can see the blossom but it doesn’t fill me with joy; instead it just reminds me that Rory’s anniversary is approaching.
I hope as the years pass I can learn to love Spring again, I miss the joy that this season used to bring me.
Now March has arrived I’m at a loss to know how to mark Rory’anniversary which is fast approaching, it is most definitely not his birthday on 13th March as he was never meant to be born in March – friends please take note of that! Part of me wants to hide away in bed and part of me wants to shout his name from the rooftops so that people don’t forget him. Family have started asking what we are doing and I don’t have an answer which I feel bad about as I’m usually the one with the ideas.
I’m sure we’ll do something fitting, I just wish I knew what it was!