Day 5 of #mayweallheal and it is time to think about Unexpected Losses. When Rory died we lost the obvious things like the feeling of completeness, all of the milestones of Rory’s life, the loss of our old life before it all happened.
But there have been other losses:
1. The loss of naivety and innocence around pregnancy, birth and babies. When someone announces they are pregnant I feel awkward and want to immediately give them information on pre-eclampsia but I don’t because it’s not nice to trample on someone’s happiness, no matter how well intentioned.
2. My Facebook feed. OK, this is a minor loss but I have unfollowed so many people who are pregnant or have had a baby that my feed is full of adverts, news, and camping group threads. It’s my choice but it still hurts that I don’t feel able to see happy pregnancy and baby posts.
3. Friends and family, I have made some lovely friends since Rory died and bonds with my family have been made stronger but also I have lost a few family and friends who were either fed up with hearing about my dead baby or didn’t like how I was dealing with my grief. Really it’s their loss, not mine.
4. My confidence. I used to be someone who would merrily chat to other parents at baby groups but now I keep myself to myself and don’t make eye contact? I’m scared they’ll ask about my family and I’ll end up ruining their day by talking about Rory. I know it’s silly but it is easier and safer to look like a miserable bitch rather than be on edge during conversations.
Whilst we lost Rory’s life he lives on in our hearts and that makes up for all of the obvious and unexpected losses 💙
I didn’t have a photo to show the losses but this little angel was made by my lovely mum who lost her 7th grandchild and often I forget that my family also lost Rory, not just myself M and T.