If Only

Day 14 of #mayweallheal, If Only.

If only, two words, six letters, nothing really but those two words are so loaded with guilt, wonder, worry and pain.

I have lost count of the times I have thought ‘if only’ since I got ill, since Rory died.

If only I’d gone to hospital sooner. If only I’d looked after myself better. If only I’d rested more. If only my body had held on longer. If only Rory was a week older. If only Rory was 100g heavier. If only we’d fought more for his little life. If only things were different. If only you were still here. If only, if only, if only.

In this journey I have never thought if only we’d never had Rory, never once, never ever. I am proud to be Rory’s mummy and I always will be.

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