Day 14 Beliefs + Spirituality #captureyourgrief

Day 14 Beliefs + Spirituality 

This is a tricky one, some days I believe we’re all part of some master plan and our future is mapped out and other days I firmly believe you make your own luck in this world and there isn’t a big guy in the sky mapping it all out. 

I hope when I die I’ll meet up with Rory and Henry but the rational side of me says that isn’t going to happen. 

If there is a god he’s a bloody cruel one and I’m not sure I like him much. 

So what do I believe in? Science yes – it made Toby, Rory and Henry, it saved my life when I had pre-eclampsia, it meant I could walk as a child when they weren’t totally sure I would. Science rocks!

When we knew Henry was poorly everyone said they would pray for a miracle and my reply was ‘I don’t believe in miracles, I believe in science.’ Science didn’t save Henry but it had a bloody good go, more than god or miracles that’s for sure. 

Do I believe in god? I’m not sure, I really want to, but it is hard to assimilate the idea of a caring loving god with one who (if he’s real) has caused so much pain and offered up so many unanswered questions.

I want to believe, but I need to be convinced, in the meantime I’ll stick to believing in science and I’ll quietly await my miracle.

Below is Rory’s first photo – not many mummy and daddy’s have photos of their baby in blastocyst form!

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