I found this in my draft folder this evening, it was written 3 days after Henry’s due date had been and gone. I think I saved it so as not to overload my blog during October. I honestly don’t remember writing it (thank you PTSD!) but I quite like it… enjoy!
Oh, and rainbows in the sky still make my skin crawl and baby versions more so (sorry to my friends with rainbow bumps and babies but it is what it is).
I used to love rainbows; science and nature in perfect harmony creating something beautiful and special – not dissimilar to IVF.
The weather has been wet and sunny lately and my newsfeed is full of rainbow pictures.
Henry was supposed to be my rainbow but he didn’t come how he should have and as a result I have iridophobia – rainbow phobia (yes, I had to google it too!).
At the moment anything rainbow related makes my skin crawl, it’s like fingernails down a blackboard at the mere sight or mention of those multi-coloured arcs of joy. Combine that word with a baby and I’m likely to cover my ears and shut my eyes.
In my head this evening I screamed ‘bloody Henry, why didn’t you stay?, why didn’t I get my rainbow baby?’ But then I thought about it, and real rainbows don’t stay do they? Rainbows exist when sun and rain meet and then they are gone in the blink of an eye. Perhaps Henry is a bit rainbow like after all.