A song came on the radio today, it was one of the ones played at Henry’s cremation. I nearly sat at my desk and cried but I didn’t as it’s not really the done thing to sit there crying into your keyboard. I think it’s the first time I’ve listened to it since 4 July, it was weird but lovely in a way to think about Henry for a couple of minutes. I think about him often of course but an extra 2 minutes is welcome.
The song was Photograph by Ed Sheeran, we chose that over Small Bump as we liked the sentiment of keeping a photograph in your pocket. There will of course be no more photographs of Henry. This year will be the first and the last we give his photograph to family at Christmas.
The other children in our wider family will appear in photographs year after year but only one of my boys gets to do that. It hurts. Every year when the family photo gifts arrive it will be a constant reminder of who is missing. This year there is no cheeky one year old to photograph and share, neither is there a beautiful baby boy staring out of the frame and there won’t be the next year and the year after that.
I’m already dreading the arrival of Christmas cards from family and friends with photos of new babies and siblings growing up together on them.