Goodbye 2016

New Year’s Eve is here. I’ve never been a fan of it, for me it’s a marker of being another year older, another year totted up on my life. I like it even less since Rory died and now there’s Henry too I’m just numb. 

2015 was Rory’s year and 2016 was Henry’s, I’m not sure what 2017 will bring, certainly not another baby. The forthcoming year will be the first in 10 we haven’t been trying for a baby, planning a baby or been pregnant. I’m relieved, I’m desperately sad, I almost want 2018 to be here now.

2016 should have been amazing, our happy ending and full of positive changes for everyone but it wasn’t. There were some great times – Toby had a brilliant year and the transition to school life was amazing to see, Matt hit a milestone birthday which we made the best of, I tried, I really tried and that’s all I can think of of my achievements this year – I tried my best.

Something exciting did happen though, we started our Butterfly Books project which has been well received and brilliantly supported by friends, family and strangers. I’m looking forward to see how our little project can grow in 2017 – the first milestone of the new year is gifiting books and wooden hearts to the neonatal bereavement room.

There will be other milestones in 2017 – Henry’s pregnancy, scans, bad news milestones, Rory’s anniversary, Henry’s anniversary, birthdays to be filled with joy and sadness. I’m trying to not think about the milestones at the moment but the first arrives at the end of January so I don’t have long to wait.

I have made some wonderful friends this year, forged stronger bonds with others and lost a few friends along the way. I hope 2017 is kind to everyone and proves to be a gentler ride than 2016.


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