I dislike the term rainbow baby and so do most of my Loss Mummy friends. The term is a bit saccharine and implies that the baby you lost was a storm, something ugly and destructive, which is wrong on so many levels. Of course I also dislike the term as my rainbow died and that isn’t supposed to happen is it?
Our discussions last week got me thinking about the terminology and as much as we all dislike it, it appears to be the one most loss families use so it’s here to stay. It looks like I can’t run away from or ignore the cutesy descriptions for the children of loss families so I need to face up to them.
I have a light box in the porch which I put random messages on, it’s silly and fun and easily changed. Toby had kept on at me to take his birthday message down so, in the absence of anything fun or witty to say, I changed it to say my boys’ names. As I was rummaging through the letters box I came across a sun, cloud, and rainbow. I ignored them at first but then tried putting them next to the names. It sort of worked. I was still uncomfortable to use the terms so added some additional symbols.
Here it is:
Toby will always be my sunshine, my light and warmth on a grey day and his age will always change year on year. Rory is our little storm, but a beautiful one that changed us and washed away the unimportant stuff that surrounded us so we could see the stars better. Henry, my beautiful smallest boy is our rainbow hiding behind a cloud, he may not have stayed with us for long in the living world but he is in my heart forever.
I don’t care what their labels are, I love my boys because they are mine, plain and simple.
What is beyond the rainbow that was only here for a moment? I don’t know. That scares me a bit (ok, a lot!). Whatever it is though, I hope it brings peace and hope for a brighter sunnier future.