I need to be clear that this post is not a whinge, but an observation.
I saw a Facebook post about three different mums who were one person – the first mum had a new born and was struggling, the second had lost a baby and was hurting and the final one was fighting a losing battle with a toddler. All needed help and all were one and the same – a mum who needed love and support to get through the day.
Thoughts about my multiple mummy identities had already been swimming around my head that day and seeing that post made it slot into place.
I am Naomi, I’m a mum and I have friends who are also mums. Simple yes? Nope.
I have two groups of mummy friends and I’m sad that at the moment they don’t know each other. The realisation came on Thursday morning when I was simultaneously posting something funny to some friends about a ‘how are babies made?’ lift the flaps book (the concept of that book is wrong on so many levels, ha ha!), and I was also messaging a loss mummy friend about a coffee date.
What hit me was that I have two awesome groups of friends but they don’t fit together simply due to circumstance. I was sad that I wasn’t sending the same silly post to the mums I know through my baby boys.
I choose my friends carefully and if I feel safe with someone they are my friend. My ‘old’ mummy friends are brilliant and are very good at giving me a dose of ‘normal’ which I needed in the early days after Henry died. But actually my loss mummy friends are just as bloody brilliant at giving me a dose of ‘new normal’. We talk about our babies just like any other mums do and they offer a different kind of safety.
So if I have two lovely groups of friends, why don’t I want them to meet? The thing is, it’s not that I don’t want them all to meet, I know they’d all get on as I’m only friends with good, kind, exceptionally lovely people but I’m so very protective of the friends I have made through Rory and Henry and I’d never want to make them feel awkward.
I stand in both camps with a living child and babies who couldn’t stay and I feel guilty that I do get to share random parenting posts, moan about sleep patterns and go to bed exhausted because Toby had worn me out.
I’m rambling a bit and this isn’t coming out as eloquently as I hoped but what I’m trying to say that I love all of my mummy friends and I hope one day they all get to meet each other because they are all just a little bit awesome.