Wish

Make a wish. Three words, usually said as a child blows out birthday candles or throws a coin into a wishing well. The wish is usually for something frivolous and silly. It is fun and sometimes the wishes come true.

When someone says those words to me I wish to be happy, I wish for a complete family. I can’t wish the boys back as they are gone (not forgotten, but gone nonetheless).

I wish babies didn’t die, I wish that I wasn’t the one in four to suffer baby loss, I wish I didn’t know my loss friends, I wish I felt normal, I wish we’d used a surrogate for Henry, I wish Toby had a living sibling.

What I don’t wish is that we never tried for the boys. Whilst I long for the carefree life I had before, I can never wish the boys away. Our life is richer for them having been here, even if it was just for fleeting moment. 

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