Empty

Empty. 

I’m a glass half empty kind of girl, always thinking about the have nots and wants rather than the haves, that’s half my problem. I spend so much time angry that I don’t have my babies here that I forget that I’m one of the lucky ones in the infertile/babyloss world.

I never felt the true feeling of empty until Rory was born. The space in my tummy felt like a black hole. I could feel the emptiness right there inside of me like someone had scooped out my insides. Just moments before Rory was there kicking, alive and then he was gone. The empty feeling lasted for weeks, it felt strange and just reminded me what was missing day after day. 

The empty feeling in my tummy has mostly gone, it’s has mainly been replaced by crisps and biscuits (I’m working on that aspect of my life though!), but my heart is full to bursting with love for my little family of five. Only yesterday a lady commented on my necklace and I again had the courage to explain the reason that I wear it. My heart filled with pride as I was able to briefly tell my story. The awesome exercise class that followed the conversation lifted my spirits even more and it helped to plug the emptiness for a little while (and kept me away from the junk food).

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