To the outside world I’ve got no apparent wound or injury but inside there are two small Rory and Henry shaped wounds. They are healing and they don’t always bleed when they are poked and prodded but some days they really hurt and other days I can’t help but to poke and prod them because sometimes the pain is comforting (in a weird way that only loss mamas will understand).
I know the wounds will eventually heal and the pain will be gone but a scar will be left in its place.
I quite like scars, I can see the beauty in them and they all tell a story. I have scars from my hip operations and they are a reminder of how far I’ve come from the wonky legged baby born in 1980. You can see outwardly that my left hip is the poorer one as the scar is thicker and wider as it was opened up more than once. That scar tells my story from a long long time ago.
In Japan cracked china is repaired with gold to make the item more beautiful, to add to its story. It is referred to as Kintsugi (or kintsukuroi). The philosophy behind the technique is to recognise the history of the object and to visibly incorporate the repair into the new piece instead of disguising it.
I like this idea. My inward and outward scars are a record of my wounds, a lasting outcome of the things that have happened to me. They make me who I am and to me they are pretty special.